Hello, I have a deadline I’m not going to meet, which is always the time I feel I most need to speak with you. Thank you for being part of my maladaptive procrastination!

Went to this very beautiful place on Easter Weekend, which came with a case of wine from their vineyard, which was an incredible marketing strategy, as we were all pickled and found that such a state remarkably improves family vacations, and makes it incredibly funny when your kid climbs out of the hot tub inhabited by oodles of child cousins to whisper, “That water is 100% pee”.

See? That would not be funny sober. Or if you had been in the hot tub. Whatever, it was already a veritable cousin soup before they added the seasoning.

Homicide Adjacent

Whelp, Aggressor got out of jail and is living in a caretaking situation, if you were wondering if there is any justice left in America. Trial date pushed back indefinitely!

Meanwhile, Victim’s house, after being ransacked and squatted in (not the hot tub variety as far as I know) was finally de-squattered by a determined law enforcement officer who decided to do a good old-fashioned stakeout and arrest the people breaking in to live there. I have mixed feelings about people being unhoused and houses standing empty, but appreciate LEO going out of their way.

Our family also decided to scatter Victim’s ashes at the house, since Victim loved that place. I swear, my family is falling ass-backward into haunted house design, décor, and creation. BUY THIS HOUSE. CREMAINS CONVEY.

I may have also told you that Aggressor, now out of jail, is free to call here all the time. They called for two days in a row to whisper they had died in the night. After which, our front door began opening of its own accord.  I’m not superstitious, but as Michael Scott put it, I am a little stitious, and quite sure that some key part of Aggressor did die, and is floating around here to say goodbye. Some moments I have sympathy since it’s such a fucked situation, but then I get angry and tell the house and any ghosts in it to fuck off. The fifth time I walked by the door to find it standing open, I just got in the habit of flipping the lock.

Yesterday, the back door blew open. So… wind tunnel, or foundation is sinking or something. Or there is an Aggressor in some caretaking situation who is currently legally alive but also died and is now haunting us.

Finally, I am dealing with middle age aging, which is unnerving. Every time I think I’ll write something about it, Linda pops up with a better post than I could write, so I’ll just direct you there. Addendums that I am snoring now! And dreaming such crazy and vivid dreams that I’m tired the next day.

PLEASE TELL US ABOUT YOUR DREAMS ANNE, THAT’S NOT BORING AT ALL

Last night I dreamed my husband and I fought, and I was like, “Heh. You’ll be back.” Except then he was gone a few days and I scrolled by his social media and he’d up and married his last girlfriend before me. Also in this dream, my demented dad was alive and also divorced my mom and remarried, and so Mom took me to Hawaii for some new-age health and healing and I was like OH GOD NOT THIS. Moral of the story is that any dude can get into a new relationship. I woke up and told my husband all about it, naming the Ex-girlfriend. He laughed and said, “(Ex’s Name)? What a blast from the past!” Which was not the kind of response I wanted from the husband who left me in my dreams. But then he hugged me and promised he would never leave, so things improved slightly.