Today’s my dad’s one year death anniversary.
Mostly, I’m feeling it was a dick move for him to die on a holiday, because my husband was all HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
And it felt obligatory to say back to him YES BUT ALSO DEATH ANNIVERSARY.
I don’t think my husband knew how to take that, as he was just trying to bring some happy salutations to my life and I was kind of like WRONG IT’S DEATH. THE ANSWER IS GRIM REFLECTION. SO… HAPPY DEATH ANN– NO, WAIT. THAT FEELS WRONG TOO. JUST HELLO.
He reached over and held my hand and after a very awkward silence said, ARE YOU OK?
So I dunno, anyone have wisdom? Is Valentine’s forever skunked, or do I eventually get to the place where I’m like, YEAH, HAPPY SEXY TIMES, NOT THINKING ABOUT DEATH OR DADS AT ALL BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE WEIRD AND NOT GOOD.
?
Sadly and quite improbably, life hasn’t been interesting enough for a full blog post. But here are some twitterfied highlight nuggets:
Mom update: you know how when my mom and I fight, the phone gets glitchy? Weird electronic beeps, dropped calls, crossed lines?
Well she came to visit this weekend. Hadn’t been here in about a year.
I was a little stressed.
— Anne Nahm (@AnneNahm) February 7, 2020
Middle called the day before. I got crying and our line immediately went full static, Can You Heat Me Now style bullshit. I didn’t want my mom to visit.
But she did. Good news: we didn’t fight. I mean, we worked hard as hell to keep it suuuupppper superficial
— Anne Nahm (@AnneNahm) February 7, 2020
OTOH, the second night she was there, a transformer in our neighborhood blew and nearly 20k people in the surrounding area lost power.
So I guess I m saying I think we’re witches.
— Anne Nahm (@AnneNahm) February 7, 2020
Had a nightmare my husband cheated.
Woke him up: OMG. I dreamt you left me for someone else. And slept with her. And you were both really into parrots.
Him: what?
Me: not sexually, just you both liked parrots. It was the thing that brought you together.
— Anne Nahm (@AnneNahm) January 24, 2020
Him: …parrots?
Me: yeah.
Him, *hugs me tight*: that goes too far.
— Anne Nahm (@AnneNahm) January 24, 2020
Announcing dinner (lasagna)
at my kids’ sleepover
By belting it out to the tune of La Bamba
is honestly the high point of my momming career.
— Anne Nahm (@AnneNahm) January 19, 2020
And just because it’s kicky and maybe hasn’t saturated your eardrums yet, here’s some cute fluff for your Valentine’s Day:
xo,
Anne
What a hard mix! Anniversary of your dad’s death and Mandatory Love Day. What a combo.
Remember that you are still in the really hard part of grieving. The first 18 months are often a bit of a fog, and then it starts to seem more manageable and just the new way life is now. So while it may never be just like before it will probably settle into something less weird and divided, eventually.
But I’m so sorry.
Because I’m proper as fuck I call the day my dad’s deathaversary. Full truth: it’s been 14 years and it’s still kinda shit because I know after the holidays my dad’s deathaversary is right there waiting. If I was you I’d pick another day to celebrate Valentine’s day for a while, if you’re into it. Pro: dinner reservations will be easier and flowers will be much cheaper.
Yeah… I think it might get easier as time goes by, but betting it will certainly be raw for at least the first five years…
Both of my grandmothers died on Christmas Eve (eight years apart), but basically I grew up thinking of Christmas Eve (the night we celebrate btw) as grandma’s death anniversary – which was just the usual thing because that all happened when I was five. But then when my other grandma also died on Christmas Eve, whisked away in an ambulance as we were making tamales, the curse of Christmas Eve was sealed.
We didn’t stop celebrating, but we always set aside a trip to church for a mass for my grandmothers. And it made being together, drama or no, more important, more urgent.
Since we lost my brother and sister, we are struggling to make a new tradition that allows us to celebrate as well as miss them… it’s an ongoing struggle.
Sending big hugs!