Peeps taste like a bag of ass made with ass juice and dingleberry filling.
Also, Peeps are evil.
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Top Seven Reasons Why Peeps are Evil
7. Peeps will invite their boyfriend over while they are supposed to be babysitting.
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6. Peeps will use your bathroom.
And not flush.
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5. All Peeps that die on Good Friday return from the dead Easter Sunday. Jesus Peeps? Hardly. They return as Zombies-Peeps. These Zeeps will hunt you down and eat your brains.
And then, they will steal your eye. And look at you with your own eye.
And if you are pretty, that Zeep will make you their Zitch (Zeep’s bitch). And you will like it, you dirty Zitch, you. But you will never again have good depth perception.
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4. Peeps make it look like an accident.
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3. Peeps wear inappropriate bathing attire on your family vacation. The day after you break down and say something (because for the love of God! A thong made out of rubber bands in front of grandma?!) , Peeps will walk with apparent discomfort. You will assume it is from thong friction burns. But you will be wrong.
2. When you come back from vacation and have your photos developed, you will find this mystery picture. For a moment, you will be confused.
And then you will recognize your own toothbrush in someone’s peephole.
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1. And of course, Peeps peep.
Nice use of the urban toothbrush myth!
I bought a new toothbrush today because of this.
oh my god, Anne. This is a fantastic entry. The “peeps peep” is my favorite ;D you’re so silly
All the more delicious to watch them melt in hot beverages…
This is an astounding post. ASTOUNDING. I was astounded. (In a good way.)
Hey, Dora and Diego are COUSINS. ‘Course, that never stopped me.
OMG Anne…you should have warned me there was violence and sex in your entry today. I would have read it sooner!
What end of the toothbrush was that I wonder?
OMG this is seriously the funniest things I’ve read in weeks. I am crying I’m laughing so hard. The toothbrush picture is killing me! I am going to send a link to this post to everyone I know. Especially all my peeps who love Peeps.
This is hilarious, Anne! If you lived in Seattle, I would have suggested you enter the local paper’s Peeps contest. Tomorrow they’re showing the results and I already know this montage would have pwned them.
I love that your humor never falters. And Dora… what a hussy.
I only wish that there were more holidays for you to pose inanimate objects in hilarious ways.
Oh dear lord, woman….
Anne, Anne, Anne… if I weren’t married, and if you weren’t married, and if I weren’t straight, and if you weren’t straight… well, I’d ask you to marry me. It’d be worth it, just because of the humor factor.
The slutty baby-sitting peep with her boyfriend was my favorite. 😉
Heh, this is as good as Baby J!
Oh my gosh I need to be more careful before I read your site… I kinda had to pee and I almost went in my pants! Dang pregnancy!
Dora… what a slut! 🙂
Thongs made from rubber bands on a Peep… awesome!!
OMG, I think I love you. For reals.
My new favorite Peep post of all time. (Love the bunny brains. That takes some serious sickness… and I admire that in a person.)
This post has been rated F for fucking fantastically funny. You kill me girl. KILL me. Unless? The peeps do?
Woman, thou art a GENIUS. Are we going to get the Adventures of Peep until Easter? Maybe not the toothbrush Peep, though. I don’t think he’s up for it.
I smell a perfect post award. and ass juice. I suddenly smell ass juice.
BRA.
VO.
Hey I’d like to throw a shoutout to all my peeps! Seriously funny Anne!!
HaHaHa! Umhmmm…. HaHaHaHa! I can’t stop laughing! Seriously funny Anne…
You are the best!
I saw your post listed among the BlogHer featured posts today and had to click. I’ve been posting periodically about how much peeps suck this past week, this post totally rocks. Seriously, nice work!
And look at you with your own eye!!!! WITH.YOUR.OWN.EYE!!! The horror! Also, you need a hobby. You might want to consider blogging.
ACK! Funniest thing evah! I demand nay DEMAND that Baby J put the smackdown on the peeps. After all, this time does represent his return from the drawer, eh?
Your biggest fan, Julie
Dying. Laughing. One question though: Am I the only person on earth who actually likes Peeps? Seriously, I bet there are so many secret Peep lovers out there. Don’t deny your love of Peeps!
I laughed so hard at this. Right away, from the very first line, I knew this would be a classic. Who knows how many things in life from now on will taste like a bag of ass with ass juice and dingleberry filling.
I actually called my sister and her friend over to the computer and we all laughed uproariously. Then we watched Sarah Silverman’s “I’m F*cking Matt Damon” on youtube. We laughed harder at this.
The toothbrush picture is surely classic, but I’m partial to “zitch” myself. Good job!
I LOVE THIS…maybe even MORE than Christ on a Cracker.
HILARIOUS!
I can’t believe I just guffawed at work.
Seriously.
Dora is SUCH a ho.
She does it again. All hail the Anne. Is there any holiday you won’t take on?!!!
Check it out! I have given you an award. Please drop by my blog to pick it up. This Evil Peeps post will rule the world someday.
http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/2008/03/go-ahead-make-my-day.html
Dude, I love Peeps! And Dora and Deigo? Sigh… my whole world is shattered!
SOB!
Oh wow I sooo needed a good laugh today!! Thank you!!!
You just know that the Peep left a skidmark in the toilet, too, causing Dora to worry that people visiting will think it was her who did it.
Peeps are evil like that.
Have you ever put a peep in the microwave? Try it. Take pictures. It’s fricking awesome.
I LOVE peeps. Usually the yellow chicks, though. Not the bunnies.
Peeps out, Zee-otches.
You win! (I don’t know what…but you do)
You are just the best!!!! Baby J shark attack and Baby J fairy affair and now Peeps!?! I second Julie – Baby J peeps smackdown would be mind boggling…
OMG, Woman.
THAT is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a LOOOONG time.
Heh heh.
Peep hole.
Too fucking funny! I am laughing,,,off to create some eggs.
The tooth brush about made me PEE MYSELF.
😆 You have a wonderful imagination.
Is that a Cadbury Egg under #4? Stealing Cadbury Eggs is punishable by nuking.
Is your next installment going to be “How to Punish the Peeps.”
Hilariously funny. I cried laughing.
Just peeped..I mean popped..over from zenmommas to say Hi!This peep report is just what I needed today!I agree peeps are bad characters!To prove it come to my place and see what I found!
P.S. Congrats on the “You Make My Day” award from zenmomma
Oh my God. Now I get the peep reference.
Fracking fabulous.
“…then, they will steal your eye. And look at you with your own eye…”
ahahhahahahaha!!
I don’t know who you are. But this is the best thing I have EVER seen.