Husband, mission impostible

I Missed the Cutoff For Nationals by a Full Point

February 8, 2011

After sex a couple of nights ago, I tried to slip seductively out of bed and instead rolled off the edge of the mattress, cracked my elbow on the dresser, and ate carpet (not a sexual euphemism).

It had been that kind of sex that started out with my husband crawling into bed and whispering into my ear, “It’s been a long time.  I might’ve forgotten how,” and ended with me sporting a Bride of Frankenstein Beehive and a smile.  It had been a long time.  Life gets busy, yo.  And then we do, I guess.  And then I end up catching my fall with my face.  Again, not a euphemism.

Down there on the floor, as I flipped myself over like some groaning, hobbled sex-for-sport turtle, I thought: Really glad this isn’t a first date.

Nothing from the top of the bed.  No “you OK?”  No “Where’d you go, sexiful playmate?”  Nothing.

“Hello?”  I call up.

Then I see this*

“Eight?”  I ask.

“It was a ten until you got to the dismount.”

.

*recreated last night.  He was so apprehensive.  “It’s my first time on your blog, Anne.” he says.
“Are you OK with it?”  I ask.
“……..sure.”  He says, looking at his shoes for a moment before he can agree.  This from the guy who was completely OK with google maps pajama pics

32 Comments

32 thoughts on I Missed the Cutoff For Nationals by a Full Point

  2. Creating the line “hobbled sex-for-sport turtle”

    The presence of mind to give a written grade.

    I don’t know which of the two of you I adore the most.

    xxx

  3. You guys are awesome. I did one of the foot-caught-in-the-sheets maneuvers one time after the first time having sex with a boyfriend and I didn’t think he was ever going to quit laughing. We didn’t date too much longer after that.

    I’m glad that he didn’t get video of your dismount (or did he? LOL). That could be EPIC in a viral YouTube kinda way.

    Good luck next time in landing on both feet with your jiggly bits in all the places jiggly bits are supposed to me. 🙂

  23. It may be counter-intuitive but with more lube you can stick the dismount. Next time he’ll turn it sideways and give you an infinity.

  29. You are quite possibly the funniest person to walk the earth. I was laughing so hard, tears came. Thank you StumbleUpon for finding you for me.

  30. HOLY CRAP I’m dying laughing over here. This is AWESOME!

    (BTW, Jeff’s standard response to any anguished, pain-filled scream is no longer “Oh no! What happened! How can I help you?” but “What did you do this time?” shouted from across the house. ::sigh:: At least I’m…predictable?)

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