Secret Lives of Peeps and Weird Ramblings and yearbook15 Mar 2008 04:28 pm

Top Seven Reasons Why Peeps are Evil

Peeps taste like a bag of ass made with ass juice and dingleberry filling.

Invasion of the Peeps annenahm

Also, Peeps are evil.

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Top Seven Reasons Why Peeps are Evil

7. Peeps will invite their boyfriend over while they are supposed to be babysitting.

peeps doing the horizontal bop annenahm

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6. Peeps will use your bathroom.

peep using the potty annenahm

And not flush.

Peep Poop annenahm
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5. All Peeps that die on Good Friday return from the dead Easter Sunday. Jesus Peeps? Hardly. They return as Zombies-Peeps. These Zeeps will hunt you down and eat your brains.

Zeeps!

And then, they will steal your eye. And look at you with your own eye.

zeep eye theft annenahm

And if you are pretty, that Zeep will make you their Zitch (Zeep’s bitch). And you will like it, you dirty Zitch, you. But you will never again have good depth perception.

zeeps and zitches annenahm

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4. Peeps make it look like an accident.

peeps did it! Annenahm
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3. Peeps wear inappropriate bathing attire on your family vacation. The day after you break down and say something (because for the love of God! A thong made out of rubber bands in front of grandma?!) , Peeps will walk with apparent discomfort. You will assume it is from thong friction burns. But you will be wrong.

peep in thong

2. When you come back from vacation and have your photos developed, you will find this mystery picture. For a moment, you will be confused.

toothbrush in peephole annenahm

And then you will recognize your own toothbrush in someone’s peephole.

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1. And of course, Peeps peep.

peeps peeping annenahm

64 Responses to “Top Seven Reasons Why Peeps are Evil”

  1. on 15 Mar 2008 at 5:03 pm   Deb (Missives From Suburbia)

    Nice use of the urban toothbrush myth!

  2. on 15 Mar 2008 at 5:09 pm   Twila

    I bought a new toothbrush today because of this.

  3. on 15 Mar 2008 at 5:14 pm   chrissi

    oh my god, Anne. This is a fantastic entry. The “peeps peep” is my favorite ;D you’re so silly

  4. on 15 Mar 2008 at 5:48 pm   adrienne

    All the more delicious to watch them melt in hot beverages…

  5. on 15 Mar 2008 at 6:12 pm   Swistle

    This is an astounding post. ASTOUNDING. I was astounded. (In a good way.)

  6. on 15 Mar 2008 at 6:23 pm   All Adither

    Hey, Dora and Diego are COUSINS. ‘Course, that never stopped me.

  7. on 15 Mar 2008 at 6:46 pm   crazy8s

    OMG Anne…you should have warned me there was violence and sex in your entry today. I would have read it sooner!

    What end of the toothbrush was that I wonder?

  8. on 15 Mar 2008 at 6:51 pm   MommyTime

    OMG this is seriously the funniest things I’ve read in weeks. I am crying I’m laughing so hard. The toothbrush picture is killing me! I am going to send a link to this post to everyone I know. Especially all my peeps who love Peeps.

  9. on 15 Mar 2008 at 7:21 pm   kirida

    This is hilarious, Anne! If you lived in Seattle, I would have suggested you enter the local paper’s Peeps contest. Tomorrow they’re showing the results and I already know this montage would have pwned them.

  10. on 15 Mar 2008 at 7:21 pm   elle

    I love that your humor never falters. And Dora… what a hussy.

  11. on 15 Mar 2008 at 7:34 pm   Stimey

    I only wish that there were more holidays for you to pose inanimate objects in hilarious ways.

  12. on 15 Mar 2008 at 7:42 pm   Mr Lady

    Oh dear lord, woman….

  13. on 15 Mar 2008 at 8:30 pm   Wicked_Kolina

    Anne, Anne, Anne… if I weren’t married, and if you weren’t married, and if I weren’t straight, and if you weren’t straight… well, I’d ask you to marry me. It’d be worth it, just because of the humor factor.

    The slutty baby-sitting peep with her boyfriend was my favorite. ;)

  14. on 15 Mar 2008 at 9:39 pm   Jenn

    Heh, this is as good as Baby J!

  15. on 15 Mar 2008 at 10:41 pm   Manda

    Oh my gosh I need to be more careful before I read your site… I kinda had to pee and I almost went in my pants! Dang pregnancy!

    Dora… what a slut! :)

  16. on 15 Mar 2008 at 10:46 pm   Erica

    Thongs made from rubber bands on a Peep… awesome!!

  17. on 15 Mar 2008 at 11:43 pm   hippiedork

    OMG, I think I love you. For reals.

  18. on 16 Mar 2008 at 1:01 am   Velma

    My new favorite Peep post of all time. (Love the bunny brains. That takes some serious sickness… and I admire that in a person.)

  19. on 16 Mar 2008 at 7:34 am   Babybound

    This post has been rated F for fucking fantastically funny. You kill me girl. KILL me. Unless? The peeps do?

  20. on 16 Mar 2008 at 8:51 am   Moi

    Woman, thou art a GENIUS. Are we going to get the Adventures of Peep until Easter? Maybe not the toothbrush Peep, though. I don’t think he’s up for it.

  21. on 16 Mar 2008 at 10:00 am   candace

    I smell a perfect post award. and ass juice. I suddenly smell ass juice.

  22. on 16 Mar 2008 at 12:39 pm   Kristin

    BRA.
    VO.

  23. on 16 Mar 2008 at 1:21 pm   zenmomma

    Hey I’d like to throw a shoutout to all my peeps! Seriously funny Anne!!

  24. on 16 Mar 2008 at 3:29 pm   Teresa

    HaHaHa! Umhmmm…. HaHaHaHa! I can’t stop laughing! Seriously funny Anne…
    You are the best!

  25. on 16 Mar 2008 at 3:42 pm   Jill - GlossyVeneer

    I saw your post listed among the BlogHer featured posts today and had to click. I’ve been posting periodically about how much peeps suck this past week, this post totally rocks. Seriously, nice work!

  26. on 16 Mar 2008 at 7:54 pm   Sam

    And look at you with your own eye!!!! WITH.YOUR.OWN.EYE!!! The horror! Also, you need a hobby. You might want to consider blogging.

  27. on 17 Mar 2008 at 3:51 am   Julie Pippert

    ACK! Funniest thing evah! I demand nay DEMAND that Baby J put the smackdown on the peeps. After all, this time does represent his return from the drawer, eh?

    Your biggest fan, Julie

  28. on 17 Mar 2008 at 6:30 am   karen

    Dying. Laughing. One question though: Am I the only person on earth who actually likes Peeps? Seriously, I bet there are so many secret Peep lovers out there. Don’t deny your love of Peeps!

  29. on 17 Mar 2008 at 7:02 am   Elle

    I laughed so hard at this. Right away, from the very first line, I knew this would be a classic. Who knows how many things in life from now on will taste like a bag of ass with ass juice and dingleberry filling.

    I actually called my sister and her friend over to the computer and we all laughed uproariously. Then we watched Sarah Silverman’s “I’m F*cking Matt Damon” on youtube. We laughed harder at this.

    The toothbrush picture is surely classic, but I’m partial to “zitch” myself. Good job!

  30. on 17 Mar 2008 at 8:14 am   Shannon

    I LOVE THIS…maybe even MORE than Christ on a Cracker.

    HILARIOUS!

  31. on 17 Mar 2008 at 9:09 am   In the Trenches of Mommyhood

    I can’t believe I just guffawed at work.
    Seriously.

  32. on 17 Mar 2008 at 1:08 pm   kristin

    Dora is SUCH a ho.

  33. on 17 Mar 2008 at 1:37 pm   susan

    She does it again. All hail the Anne. Is there any holiday you won’t take on?!!!

  34. on 17 Mar 2008 at 3:16 pm   zenmomma

    Check it out! I have given you an award. Please drop by my blog to pick it up. This Evil Peeps post will rule the world someday.

    http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/2008/03/go-ahead-make-my-day.html

  35. on 17 Mar 2008 at 5:08 pm   spacemom

    Dude, I love Peeps! And Dora and Deigo? Sigh… my whole world is shattered!
    SOB!

  36. on 17 Mar 2008 at 6:01 pm   mandy

    Oh wow I sooo needed a good laugh today!! Thank you!!!

  37. on 18 Mar 2008 at 1:55 am   Helen

    You just know that the Peep left a skidmark in the toilet, too, causing Dora to worry that people visiting will think it was her who did it.

    Peeps are evil like that.

  38. on 18 Mar 2008 at 7:00 am   Melina

    Have you ever put a peep in the microwave? Try it. Take pictures. It’s fricking awesome.

  39. on 18 Mar 2008 at 7:17 am   Catizhere

    I LOVE peeps. Usually the yellow chicks, though. Not the bunnies.

    Peeps out, Zee-otches.

  40. on 18 Mar 2008 at 10:41 am   Greta

    You win! (I don’t know what…but you do)

  41. on 18 Mar 2008 at 12:35 pm   ishkadebble

    You are just the best!!!! Baby J shark attack and Baby J fairy affair and now Peeps!?! I second Julie – Baby J peeps smackdown would be mind boggling…

  42. on 18 Mar 2008 at 5:40 pm   the new girl

    OMG, Woman.
    THAT is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a LOOOONG time.

    Heh heh.

    Peep hole.

  43. on 18 Mar 2008 at 8:58 pm   Bridge

    Too fucking funny! I am laughing,,,off to create some eggs.

  44. on 18 Mar 2008 at 11:39 pm   Loralee

    The tooth brush about made me PEE MYSELF.

  45. on 19 Mar 2008 at 12:36 am   Maria

    :lol: You have a wonderful imagination.

    Is that a Cadbury Egg under #4? Stealing Cadbury Eggs is punishable by nuking.

    Is your next installment going to be “How to Punish the Peeps.”

  46. on 19 Mar 2008 at 12:05 pm   pkzcass

    Hilariously funny. I cried laughing.

  47. on 19 Mar 2008 at 12:28 pm   Peggy

    Just peeped..I mean popped..over from zenmommas to say Hi!This peep report is just what I needed today!I agree peeps are bad characters!To prove it come to my place and see what I found!

    P.S. Congrats on the “You Make My Day” award from zenmomma

  48. on 20 Mar 2008 at 10:46 am   Jenny, Bloggess

    Oh my God. Now I get the peep reference.

    Fracking fabulous.

  49. on 20 Mar 2008 at 10:21 pm   annajoy

    “…then, they will steal your eye. And look at you with your own eye…”

    ahahhahahahaha!!

  50. on 21 Mar 2008 at 5:44 am   flo

    I don’t know who you are. But this is the best thing I have EVER seen.

  51. on 21 Mar 2008 at 8:18 am   Peeps are evil.

    [...] permalink I had to LOL at some of this. For those faint of heart or lacking a sick sense of humor (like mine), you may want to avoid this link… Anne Nahm ? Top Seven Reasons Why Peeps are Evil [...]

  52. on 21 Mar 2008 at 10:02 am   Miss Yvonne

    Wow, I don’t even know how I found your blog but I am SOOO happy that I did!

    I totally want to be someone’s Zitch.

  53. on 21 Mar 2008 at 11:13 am   Allison Wonder

    I have never read your blog before, but I think, based on this post alone, that I am in love with you. You are totally sick… and, apparently, everything I aspire to be.

    I needed that laugh SO much today. Thank you!

  54. on 21 Mar 2008 at 12:13 pm   Marvel

    Well, I don’t get this far out with my
    talents but I can be funny when the time
    is right to do so. At almost 80 I still
    cannot mind my manners & act my age. Nor will I ever as I would die & perhaps] not laughing!
    Was good to read something stupid & silly as I felt like poop the peep left
    in that pot.

  55. on 21 Mar 2008 at 2:41 pm   Kate

    Dude! Peep Show!

  56. on 21 Mar 2008 at 2:42 pm   Kate

    Uh, yeah, fucked up the link there. <a href=”http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/03/18/funny-pictures-peep-show/”Try this instead.

    My bad.

  57. on 21 Mar 2008 at 2:49 pm   Mr Lady

    I just showed this to the donor, and I never show him anything on the blogs. In fact, your blog is the ONLY one I have ever made him read.

    He would like to know where you live. I think he has a crush on you, too.

  58. on 21 Mar 2008 at 6:57 pm   Autumn

    Lame

  59. on 22 Mar 2008 at 5:14 am   kate

    This was hilarious. You should make little picture books of stuff like this (and the little baby jesus). I would buy them. You could publish under Anne Nahm and remain forever a mystery!

  60. on 22 Mar 2008 at 6:06 pm   kristin

    I am actually back to reread this… because it is the BEST THING ON THE INTERNET!!!

    Thank you for the funny.

  61. on 22 Mar 2008 at 7:07 pm   superblondgirl

    Anne, you are so funny you break my heart sometimes. Thanks, Jeebus, for the internets and people’s sick minds. They both make the world a better place.

  62. on 23 Mar 2008 at 7:10 pm   lisa b

    you’re awesome.

  63. on 24 Mar 2008 at 12:53 pm   allison

    you made a mistake, these aren’t peeps. they’re Bunnies.

  64. on 03 Apr 2008 at 5:17 pm   Bogart in P-Towne

    You fear peeps only because you have never eaten the stale ones.