Lately, I have keener insight into the psyche of older men from a certain generation. The ones who only cry at baseball games, or when they play the national anthem.

The insight is every fucking thing is low-moderate-high levels of inescapable stress every day, and when I look around to the places available to dump out emotion, everyone’s emotions landfill is completely at capacity, and the best thing I can do for everyone is cram those feelings where the sun don’t shine. As such, I can no longer afford to cry at real things, and each day is like walking across a frozen lake, whereby any emotional crack might cause me to fall through into the drowning depths. But stupid things? Babysitter’s Club on Netflix? A Podcast on meditation? That jerk who isn’t wearing a mask alllllll the way across the grocery store I saw for like two seconds? You bet your ass I can tear up like a motherfucker. PS: If I owe you an email response, it probably falls into the above category. Sorry.

Here are some things I’m doing for self care. Because I have also noticed that stress strips me of my ability to remember self-help. If you are likewise forgetful, please enjoy this cheat sheet!

* Get outdoors every day. The other day I drove to the park and sat in the car for an hour. Technically I was there to drop off a kid who wanted to do socially distanced sports practice. I watched tree leaves swirling in the wind and other people walking or sitting on a blanket talking to each other and it was profoundly fucking amazing.

*Put some moisturizer on your face and neck every time you get out of the shower. I leave my glasses off during this process so I don’t have to see the recent stress ravages (Chicken neck! Weird rash under my boobs that comes and goes and always looks a little different! Eyebrow dandruff!) and tell myself I’ll spend ten minutes massaging my own skin, thereby proving to myself I deserve some care, moments devoted only to selfish self indulgence. It is remarkably difficult to do this somehow. You’d think it’d be easy, but my brain is always whispering to skip it. You don’t have time for this. You’ve got to hurry! It insists, which… what? Where do I think I’ve got to rush off to in the middle of this sequester nightmare? Wherever it is, my brain really wants me to get back to business.

*Drink water. It’s summer, and easy to get dehydrated without realizing it. Also, I heard dehydration can increase jaw clenching. Ice water with a little lemon is surprisingly luxurious. I mean, it used to be semi-standard non-entity in my out-and-about life, when eating out or going about the town. I didn’t appreciate it then, but recently my taste buds are like HOLY FUCK! SOMETHING NEW. Chef recommends!

*Self-guided meditation. My dentist recommended this when I showed up in his office worried I needed a root canal, with half my face puffed up, and it turned out to be from clenching my teeth. He also recommended staying away from the news and drinking a glass of wine with dinner. I’ve been listening to this one. Only a couple so far, so I can’t vouch for the whole experience, but so far, so good.

Various Updates

Allergist

I went back to the allergist. In the time since my last visit, the governor mandated mask wearing, so I kind of felt this particular battle was decided defacto in my favor. I was still nervous. Went in, and everyone was wearing masks!

Except for the office manager, probably the one with whom I spoke on the phone.

She gave me a sly and slightly smug look suggesting she recognized me same as I recognized her. She didn’t say anything, but there was something in the tilt of her head, and her refusal to even say hello that enraged me.

So, with the help of an intrepid twitter advisor, I went home post-shots, called the local public health department and reported her ass. Public Health said it was possible she had a legitimate medical excuse for not wearing a mask, but even if she did, they would go talk to her and see what was up, and discuss whether it was safe to have an umasked person as the first point of contact for people entering a building requiring medical interactions. A VOICE OF REASON, THANK GOD. When I reflect on the person I have become, calling the health department on someone, I’m not quite sure what to think. The best my brain can come up with is that I am the beehive lady from the Far Side cartoons. Will update next month if I dare return. To the allergist, I mean. I’ll definitely come back here.

Schools

The health department person seeming like a voice of reason came after I spent all week fretting over our school district’s decision about how to go back to school in the fall. They sent out a survey and had a video conference meeting. This is how I discovered a very vocal and perhaps large contingent of parents in my school district were extremely PRO return to school like nothing ever happened, all school all day, and PS FUCK MASKS. Not just, I think masks are bullshit, but like, HOW ARE THE KIDS GOING TO LEARN SOCIAL CUES IF THEY CAN’T SEE FACES? THIS IS SCARING MY KID. NOBODY CAN WEAR A MASK.

The results of the survey appeared that the majority of parents were in favor of returning to school in some capacity. In almost mirror imaging, the majority of teachers were uncomfortable returning to in-class schooling, and were in favor of mandatory masks. Quite a few parents accused teachers of just wanting to get paid to stay at home, which to me seemed cruel and unfair.

Ultimately, the big decider was the school’s liability insurance, which straight up did not cover covid infections. Parents were still like, LEAD BY EXAMPLE AND THROW OPEN THE DOORS ANYWAY! IF YOU OPEN SCHOOLS AND NOTHING HAPPENS, YOU’LL BE HEROES. You can probably see right now why I was at the dentist the next day thinking I needed a root canal. I feel quite certain these are the same parents who would sue the district at the drop of the hat if their kids died of classroom spread covid.

The whole thing was somewhat moot, as the next day, our governor mandated the schools can only open if their county keeps covid infection rates below the County Monitoring List thresholds. I think this is BRILLIANT use of carrot and stick, mostly because it works to give people a sense of control. If we can get our county below the threshold, we can get back into school. The yahoos screaming no masks might have to stop and reconsider. I hope anyway.

*New Music: I love this song.

Mother of the moon, tell me what to do
Shit is scary, shit is new <—TRUTH, ELLE.