My Little sister by nature is a goofy, fun loving extrovert.\u00a0 Being a coal-up-my-butt-makes-the-world\u2019s-diamond-supply styled Introvert, I only understand her condition on a theoretical level.\u00a0 But Little gets lonely and sad if left on her own too much.\u00a0 Exponentially so since the stillbirth.<\/p>\n
She spent a season in the dark of her house trying to figure out what (like the big, existential WHAT) had happened. Even from a distance, it\u2019s hard to separate out how wanting to have a life again, to feel normal again, isn\u2019t a betrayal of the person who died.\u00a0 So when Little said, \u201cI\u2019m so tired of being sad,\u201d I cried, but I smiled too.<\/p>\n
As such, Little\u2019s been trying to fill every weekend with some kind of get-out-the-house activity.\u00a0 Like…. every weekend since 2016 started.\u00a0 I\u2019m not saying it\u2019s reached obsession levels or anything, but mostly because it\u2019s like watching her pull herself out from an alligator pit with her own bloodied hands, and so FUCK YEAH, wildly obsessed Little is a beautiful thing to behold.\u00a0\u00a0 And shit, it\u2019s also terrifying, and it feels like I\u2019m perpetually dancing around the edge of the pit, frantic as a kid who needs to pee, hoping she makes it.<\/p>\n
So when I scrolled through my facebook feed and up popped a photo of Little holding a gun approximately half the size of her body, I had to dial her up for the latest.<\/p>\n
\u201cOMIGOD, that<\/em>.\u201d She sighed long and hard.\u00a0 \u201cSo that started when my guy friend, Chuck, invited me and my husband to a \u2018weekend\u2019 \u2018gun safety\u2019 class his cousin runs \u2018just outside Las Vegas.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n I can hear the air quotes over the phone line, because sisters<\/em>.<\/p>\n LITTLE:<\/strong>\u00a0 I say, sure! because it\u2019s something to do, and my friend can get us into this $500 class for $50 because it\u2019s run by his cousin.\u00a0 Figure I\u2019ll check \u2018firing a weapon\u2019 off my bucket list, then hit the Strip.\u00a0 Sounds good, right?\u201d<\/p>\n ME:\u00a0 <\/strong>(because I love how doggedly she will do anything to get out of the house.\u00a0 Unlike me.\u00a0 I\u2019d be under three blankets.) SURE!<\/p>\n LITTLE:<\/strong> Except the \u2018weekend\u2019 is FOUR DAYS, and intro level \u2018gun safety\u2019 class is a PARAMILITARY SURVIVAL COURSE and \u2018just outside Vegas\u2019 is TWO HOURS OUTSIDE VEGAS, in the high desert, with approximately 200 gun nuts dressed in desert camo, and zero civilization.<\/p>\n ME:\u00a0<\/strong> Whoops.<\/p>\n LITTLE:\u00a0<\/strong> Yeah, I barfed on day two.\u00a0 Heatstroke.\u00a0 Or as my comrades called it, \u201cbeing a liberal.\u2019<\/p>\n ME:<\/strong> … So you learned how to shoot a gun, though, right?<\/p>\n LITTLE:\u00a0<\/strong> You know the best part?\u00a0 THE BANQUET AFTER.\u00a0 While we ate, we had a speaker.\u00a0 She says, \u201cOK, I\u2019m going to tell you a scenario, and I want you all to stand up when you\u2019d make the decision to discharge your weapon, OKAYYYYYYY?\u201d<\/p>\n ME:<\/strong> (Imagines the following in the voice of Sarah Palin.\u00a0 SORRY.)<\/p>\n LITTLE:<\/strong> She says, \u201cA man walks into the room.” ME:\u00a0<\/strong> So A+ weekend is what you\u2019re telling me.<\/p>\n LITTLE:<\/strong> Actually, not the worst one this year.\u00a0 I did learn how to shoot a gun.<\/p>\n ME:\u00a0<\/strong> Sweartogod,<\/em> you should write a book —\u00a0 52 Weekends Keeping Grief At Bay \u2013 and chronicle your adventures.<\/p>\n LITTLE:<\/strong>\u00a0 All I need is a zingy title.<\/p>\n ME, laughing:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s Not Worth It\u201d by Little. And even though she laughs too, there\u2019s an awkward-turned-grim silence, because of the reason she\u2019s doing all this in the first place, and how nothing will ever make it worth it to have gone through this.\u00a0 And God, I wish I could end this on a happier note, but this is what life looks like right now: like watching someone crawl out of an alligator pit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My Little sister by nature is a goofy, fun loving extrovert.\u00a0 Being a coal-up-my-butt-makes-the-world\u2019s-diamond-supply styled Introvert, I only understand her condition on a theoretical level.\u00a0 But Little gets lonely and sad if left on her own too much.\u00a0 Exponentially so since the stillbirth. She spent a season in the dark of her house trying to …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5931","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/annenahm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5931","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/annenahm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/annenahm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annenahm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annenahm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5931"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/annenahm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5931\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5939,"href":"https:\/\/annenahm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5931\/revisions\/5939"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/annenahm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5931"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annenahm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5931"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annenahm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5931"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nLITTLE:\u00a0<\/strong> She says,\u00a0 “He has tattoos.\u201d\u00a0 Swear to God, the first person stands up.
\nLITTLE:<\/strong> She says,\u201cHe appears to be carrying a concealed weapon.\u201d\u00a0 Like, half the people stand up.\u00a0 I\u2019m looking at them like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?\u00a0 YOU ALL ARE CARRYING WEAPONS.\u00a0 YOU WOULD BE SHOT IN THIS SCENARIO.
\nLITTLE:<\/strong> Then the speaker says, \u201cHe starts fondling his weapon.\u201d
\nLITTLE:\u00a0<\/strong> At this point, I turn to my husband, and we make eyes like, \u2018yeah, should we stand up? You wanna stand up yet? Does this guy deserve a cap in the ass yet?\u2019
\nLITTLE:\u00a0<\/strong> The speaker yells, \u201cBOOM.\u00a0 YOU\u2019RE DEAD!\u201d
\nLITTLE:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m trying really hard not to laugh in the dramatic silence that follows.\u00a0 Because honestly, I\u2019m a little afraid one of the amped-up standers might take a shot at us if I do.
\nLITTLE:\u00a0<\/strong> As we get back to dinner, she says, \u201cNow, everyone in this room would know you\u2019re justified in taking the shot.\u00a0 But here are some key words you want to use during the police interview, to make it clearly legal you acted in self-defense.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nME,<\/strong> instantly wishing I could take this comment back.<\/p>\n