Anne Nahm

Hi my internet darlings. Oh, how I’ve been missing you.

*Tomorrow we head off to Dr. Supa-Dupa’s hospital to get the Baby checked for the Hip Dysplasia. Suspect I may want to eat a bullet by tomorrow night with all the 10+ hours of driving and doctoring. Does anyone know the appropriate vintage wine to pair with a one bullet meal?**

*I have been pigging out at the All You Can Sleep Buffet. Yay sleep! Yay moms!

*And just as a little note about how silly the husband and I are? We keep trying to spell secrets in front of my mom, since that’s our main trickery for the 3 year old. My big retort when the husband does it (right with my mother sitting on the couch across from us)? “Uh…. my M-O-M can S-P-E-L-L.” Sadly, I don’t do this sarcastically, but rather to clue him in without my mom knowing.

Entitled: The Husband, He Doesn’t Care at all for the Jim-Hat

HUSBAND: “So what’s the date for your six week check-up?”

ME: “You know what sucks about that? The birth control pills don’t even kick in for a week after I get them from the doctor. It’s going to be *seven* weeks before we get down. Or… I guess we can use condoms.”

HUSBAND: “Uhmmm….. Could you call and see if the doctor will write the prescription for a week before your check-up? That way, we’d be good to go once she gave you the ‘all clear’.”

ME: “Uhmmm… I am so not calling and making that request. I’d sound like a complete horndog.”

HUSBAND: “Isn’t breastfeeding a natural birth control? We don’t need a condom. We don’t need to wait.”

ME: “Nooooo. No way at all. If I got pregnant right now, I’d kill one of us. Probably me, just to punish you.”

HUSBAND: “You won’t get pregnant. No one ever gets pregnant when they are breastfeeding.”

ME: “How about this? For every ‘accidental’ baby I have that way, I get to cut off one of your testicles?”

HUSBAND (considering for a moment): “That’s fine.”

ME: “That’s fine???”

HUSBAND: “Sure. We can only make that mistake twice, and I’ll never have to wear a condom again.”

ME: “Just so you know, I’ll wear each ball I cut off on a twine necklace, and I’ll tell anyone who asks exactly what it is.”

HUSBAND: “That’s fine too. You could make the accidental babies’ umbilical stumps into earings. Then you’d have a body-parts jewelry set.

**After some thought about how grossly inappropriate it is to joke about that kind of thing, I realized that the appropriate liquor for a one bullet meal is of course… a shot. Ha….ha.