So at Mommy & Me last week, a kid walks in looking something like this:
I know, right? But the mom is in the medical profession, and she’s all: I know what it looks like, but I swear it is a sinus infection. It’s cool. It’s totally cool.
And part of me was going: Thaaaaaat’s not sinuses………… Is it? But I guess I am totally gullible or an idiot or something, because by the end of class I was talking about what a bitch allergy sinuses were and giving the mom a hug.
So guess who has pink eye this morning? Or should I say “an eye that is pink” because WTF I know about conjunctivitis? I google and pretty much the Chinese Finger Trap of diagnosis is that having a pink eye is the foremost definition of having ‘pink eye’.
And also, guess who has a meeting with my kid’s principal at 8:45 this morning? Which is just the right time on a Monday to totally cancel about five minutes before you are supposed to be there.
PS: This is the final meeting before this school will actually accept my child into it. Lots of pressure here to get into the ‘right’ kindergarten! I have been having this disturbing mental imagery that the whole interview is going to end up like that movie “Best in Show” where all the parents run around in a circle and point out their kids’ impeccable grooming and ability to sit on command.
(Which, before you get all offended, is pretty much the format of every interview I’ve had in my adult life. Except I never sit in the chair for very long without barking something ridiculous. On the plus side, I’ve never peed on the desk leg or anything. Not yet, anyway.)
So:
I can cancel and maybe risk angering the Small Gods of Education. And have to set up some make-up interview and all that irritating stuff I’ll have to do when I’m calling at 8:30 when the office opens and holy shit, do I even know I have pink eye? As opposed to an eye that is pink?! Do I?!
I can douse the whole eyeball with Visine and hope I’m not mistaken for a Wake & Baker. This I think is my go-to plan, except I fear that a person who has been in education long enough to become principal will spot a contagious childhood disease from 50 yards. Bringing pink eye to elementary school might very well be a serious mark against us.
I can send my husband, whose eyes are also mysteriously pink this morning, but put him in his sexy jeans so the principal will have no opportunity to make eye contact with his face. Artist’s rendition:
(redacted. Sorry!)
See? Told you that would work. OK, quit looking at my husband’s sac already and Halp.
25 Responses to “Plague?”
We have pink eye in residence here too. Must be the season. I think allergies make people more prone to it, and you have written about being an allergic person I think. I believe the rule is if it is pink and you are oozing any sort of goo from said eyeball, you have Pink Eye. In caps. Which needs medicated eye drop attention. And that mom at mommy and me should be held down and have pink eye rubbed in her eyes. Both of them.
My son has actually had sinus infections that looked a lot like pink eye. He has also had pink eye that looked a lot like sinus infections. I’d just go if I were you. YOU’RE not going to rub your face all over the principal’s hands are you? Are you??? If not, don’t worry about it.
Hmmm…can you call and give the principal an informed choice?
“Hi, I have pink eye, you still want me?”
Hmmm….maybe not.
You have allergies. That’s the story; stick to it. We’ll back you up.
I vote for lots of Visine.
I looked like that guy a few weeks ago. It was a sinus infection. I used Visine and it made my eye look almost normal.
I really hate how sick I get now that I have a kid. I never got this sick before.
Ok, the photoshopped Young Frankenstein cast member just about made me die laughing.
Also, and I realize this is terrible, but for about a year, my kid (and thus, I) kept getting pink eye or sinus eyeball or whatever, and instead of keeping any of us home, I just gooped him up with that opthalmic antibiotic ointment and sent him on his merry way.
So, I mean, you could always smear Vaseline all over your eye socket & then go in to the interview & be like, “No no, it’s okay. The antibiotic ointment has rendered it non-contagious.”
That sneaky medical bitch, telling you her pink eye was a sinus infection! I officially hate her for you.
School administrators always want to avoid you and your kid when you have pink eye. I’d try and reschedule, but if you think that’ll be a problem, you should claim you’ve been on eye good for 24 hours and aren’t contagious.
Also, hot wet compresses make the eye feel less awful.
Could you get away with just wearing sunglasses to the meeting?
Oh, pink eye, the scourge of elementary schools everywhere. I’d vote for calling and letting the principal know that you are offering to reschedule for fear of the conjunctivitis and let her(?)(just guessing because of the ‘Hoff in tight-pants image) (then again…)make the call. CYA, baby, always CYA.
Of course, the fact that I’m posting ^ answer 4 hours after your schedule interview puts me firmly in the “not-so-helpful” camp. Go me!
My eyes are tearing at just the thought of pink eye. And that last photo? Not helpful.
Yeah… actually there are some kinds of pink eye that are non-contageous. Swear it. My ex would show symptoms of it several times a year, it would last three or four days, be non-goopy, and clear up on it’s own. I never caught it from him.
It’s the non-goopy factor (to my limited knowledge) that will tell ya contageous or no.
Bless your heart. My last case of pink eye was after I had quit teaching! LOL! I told the doctor this shouldn’t happen anymore. He asked if I’d been to Walmart lately…I said yes and he grinned…dork!
Wash your hands and clean all door knobs, handles and any common surface (counters, sinks…whatever). Good luck.
Ahh! My eyes, my eyes, they burn!
Not pink-eye – I’ve got a David Hasselhoff in them! Arrrggghhh….
(Oh, and I totally only know that’s the Hasselhoff from his guest appearance on SpongeBob. Really.)
Allergies! Yes! Say allergies!! Then RUN to the doctor. And call Mommy and Me and tell on that “medical professional” biotch and get her kicked out!!
Don’t hassle the Hoff.
I would HATE that woman. And curse her with karma! for the rest of her days.
Also? I refuse to believe I looked at that photo of the Hoff for longer than 2 seconds. Seriously.
Wear a patch and say “Ahrrrrr…” a lot.
That’ll get your kid in no questions asked. Pirates are so IN this year.
Never trust a medical professional off duty. It’s like after all the responsibility and hard thinking all week, they go completely limp minded on their days off and can’t tell an elbow from antelope. Seriously.
Unless you need a quick free diagnosis for your own kid.
Pink eye…hmmmm. Can you tell the principal that the mom ahead of you just totally slapped you in the eye on her way out? That sorta kills two bird with one stone.
Holy crap! You and I both have the eye problems right now? I’d go for you but umm…I might scare them. Perhaps calling in sick with pink eye and explaining that your heroic move has saved hundreds of childrens from certain pink eye will win you bonus points?
Ok, that woman needs to be bitch-slapped! Do you have reading glasses? I think if you do, you could get away with wearing them, as then you might look like you still have something, but they might overlook it since you will look all serious in your fabulous glasses. Hey its worth a shot. People definitely look at me like Im more serious when I wear my specs. (or maybe there is another reason there..).
For further validation, bring the pic of the Hoff to show you’re serious..there, that oughta do it.
for what its worth, though, good luck with it all.
I would go. Just go.
As for pink eye? My S girl has a clogged tear duct. She actually gets infections of the tear duct system all of the time. We finally had to get a note from the doctor stating that it is NOT pink eye, it LOOKS like pink eye, but it is not. Sigh…
I wonder what happened…
There is one brand (Similasan) of over the counter pink eye drops that work pretty well. The same compnay makes a natural earache drop too. You can find them in most drug stores like CVS or Rite Aid.
I’m dying to know what you decided. I personally liked the sexy jeans idea. Eeek on the Hasselhoff sac though…