Am back with a bag full of screws
Am back with a bag full of screws. Can’t look at them yet. Husband says they are mangled and have bone grown into them. Am currently too stoned on Vicodin to decide if that just makes me want to puke or if it’s more funny – you know, I was entertained enough by using the word ‘screw’ in every other sentence, but now I get to say ‘bone’ too. Wheeee! Got boned in de screw. All ye faint of heart will get plenty of forewarning before I post pictures of these suckers.
The pain was much greater in the beginning for this surgery. After some preliminaries by the nurse (“are you a stone cold junkie, Anne? Are you just fishing for better drugs?”) And my heartfelt answer, (“Ahhhhhh! You just broke my head! Shut up and give me drugs!”) They gave me four doses of morphine (and that crap is just burney and makes me want to puke. Guess my future as a heroin addict isn’t that probable), two Ultram (which I have now decided must be placebo) and then cracked out a big Vicodin horsepill.
Have never taken Vicodin before. Here is a little ecxerpt on how life is going now (taken from the ride home)
Husband: Do you smell something?
Me: I just burped. Is that what you smell?
Husband: If your burp smelled like what I am now smelling, Anne..
Me: Like rainbows and bunny rabbits? Then yes.
Anyway, I realize I will have to flush any remainder pills, because otherwise I might become a stone cold junkie. Me lovee the good drugs.
As for the Titanium Bolts Raffle, there was something in my head that the doc took out. He sent it to be biopsied. He refused to acknowledge if it was part of a car or car keys.
And as much as I like to ride the panic bus, I think the doctor just wants to figure out what kind of super-bug I was growing in my head that had such a resistance to meds. Or maybe so he can fine tune the antibiotics I get from here on out. Or as my Govenator friend said re: Kindergarden Cop:
It’s not a tumma!!
Hm… That last word is tumor, Arnie style.
Anyway, not sure how much sense I am making, so I’m going to back away from the computer slowly before I say something even more stupid. Until then, entertain me with your blogs, damn you! I will probably be lurking but not commenting too much.
12 Responses to “Am back with a bag full of screws”
Why flush drugs when you can sell them?
I’m TOTALLY just kidding.
Except, if I’m not.
But I am.
Totally.
Hopefully this means it’s all over, right? Here’s hoping you heal easily and quickly.
I hope everything goes way, way more smoothly this time, Anne – you definitely don’t need to have to take more antibiotics for another 6 months after this. Here’s to fast, painless healing for you!!
Anne’s got a screw loose? Say it isn’t so! Just kiddin’
Vicodin. I heard that’s some good stuff. I tried to score some from my orthopedic doctor last week, but he just tsked me and gave me a script for high dose acetometaphine. What does a girl have to do to get the good stuff?
Damn, Vicodin rocks your world, but morphine and ultram don’t do it for you? Well, jeez. What am I doing wrong, since Vicodin is the weaker of the three, unless I am drastically mistaken. Vicodin tends to take the edge off of pain for me enough to be functional, but doesn’t affect my cognitive function, which is why when I need some sort of pain meds, that is what my doctor provides. But, I have a high pain tolerance, and an almost as high tolerance for pain drugs. And, being that I can’t take NSAIDs, and have built up a tolerance for acetomenaphine (Tylenol) pretty much I almost always have either Vicodin or Percocet on hand, courtesy of my doc, and the fact that he knows that I only take the stuff when I absolutely have no choice in the matter. Hazards of riding bulls and all that.
Glad the surgery went well Anne! Now feel better! So….the doctor refused to comment on his car keys being left in your head, huh? Probably trying to figure out a way to report you for grand theft auto.
Still thinking of you, and wishing you a speedy recovery!
I hope you’re soon well on the road to recovery – it certainly sounds as though you are.
My guess is that ‘burp’ your husband detected was probably more savoury than sweet but perfectly wholseome and none the worse for that.
I wouldn’t flush any medication down the loo though as it could contaminate the water supply – if water’s ever treated and reccycled on your side of the pond as it sometimes is on ours in times of drought. Far better to put them in the bin if you’re not going to use them.
Glad you made it through the surgery okay. Also, You’re really funny when on vicodin. Feel better soon!
holy CRAP that was funny, woman! I’m a little surprised that Vicodin does ya happy… just takes the edge off and gives me a vicious headache.
So very glad you made it through okay.
I didn’t think it was possible for you to be funnier than you already were.
I bet you’ll get a boatload of dough if you put that on eBay!
Hope you get better soon!