One of the reasons I cut my hair is that it has been falling out like crazy. Every time I have a kid, it has done this, and every time, it seems like it gets worse. Seriously? I estimate I have lost a third of my hair this post-pregnancy. Brushing me is like brushing a shedding animal. But this time? It is not just the hair on my head.
Which, who cares about a little pubic baldness? Not I, says I. Except the thing is, lately I am living in some kind of Peculiar Short Story world in which every time I stand up from the potty, there is one pubic hair resting on the toilet seat. It is like seeing a long lost friend, even though it is also unfamiliar territory. Hello, little curly que! Didn’t we meet last night after the 3 a.m. feeding? And lo! Here we are again.
At first I was removing Curly with a bit of toilet paper, the way you would grab a spider. But this got rather wasteful. So then I tried to fan them off. Turns out, my particular brand of pubes have greater airflow and lift requirements to obtain flight. You have to bend over and blow them off.
Which has left me squatting in front of the potty like it is a giant birthday cake. At least once a day. Which? If I am going through all that extra work? I’m going to wish for something.
So. Anybody need an extra wish wished for them? Because I’ve got at least an extra one a day and I’m running out of things to ask for. Except maybe a merkin.
16 Responses to “Wishes in the Hopper”
Dude! You wish for more wishes! Either all the hairs will fall out and there will be no worries, or you won’t need the merkin anymore
Oh, this post cracked me up. I had never heard of a merkin before, but the definition is hilarious!
I have already gotten good laugh and an education from this blog, what more can a girl wish for?
LOL! Just brush it in with your hand, you’re washing them anyway, right??
Um…..how do you attach that thing?
my wish?
a picture of me holding a picture of me. that would be awesome.
I LEARN SO MUCH FROM THIS WEBSITE. I mean, who even KNEW about wigs for your genitals?! NOT ME!
Also I would like to wish for a bazillion wishes. Get crackin’!
I’d rather (and do) brush stray pubes into the toilet with my hand. I figure they’re mine and I’m going to wash my hands anyway. Then again, your way sounds much more festive.
Can you wish that mine start to fall out too? Because the shaving every other day for eternity is getting old.
I think I got my wish…your funny is SO back and as great as ever!
damn – I’m gonna be snorting inappropriately for days and what do I say when asked what’s so funny? “hair loss”?? Bwahaahaa!!! MERKIN! Crazy funny “peculiar short story” world you inhabit. Also? The prolonged breathy squats are bound to do wonders for your glutes. Bravo!
Oh you! YOU make me laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh!
A MERKIN! YESSS. I got nothing but mad love for you, lady. Thanks for my weekly giggle.
This is hilarity (and blunt honesty) at it’s best.
I’m so glad it’s a merkin you want, and not merquén, a spicy ground hot pepper with salt and cilantro seeds found in Chile. I think of this because it’s what first came to mind with the merkin. That would be damn uncomfortable.
Happy shedding!
The hair on my head is coming back in now, but half of it is GRAY. WTF HAIR? Wish for sex for me, plz. Or for me to want sex, more like. Before my vag falls off from lack of use.
Now, why haven’t you saved these hairs to MAKE a merkin?