Today’s post is about me riding the Cotton Pony. This is probably TMI for most of you, and certainly the fellows will want to just run right over to something more manly. Like ESPN.com. See ya next time, guys!
I started spotting last night a little bit. To some, this is a bittersweet moment, when your body says to you, “that last baby sure did knock me on my uterus. But that little vacation is so over. Better harness me with some chemical technology, ’cause I’m ready to go to town again!”
For me? This meant some cursing under my breath and reaching back to the dusty box of Kotex in the bathroom cabinet.
I’m sure you will revoke my Woman Card for this, but I have never had too much luck with the pads. How many times have I failed the pop quiz ‘properly placing a sanitary napkin’? Too many times to count.
That cotton pony bucks me right off. It twists, it folds. It tapes itself to my ass cheek and then my pubic hair. It does not do its job half the time, and my precious panties have paid the price. (Bet you all are a lot happier I never went the Anne’sDailyPantyDotCom route, now, huh?) I don’t even know where to start regarding those ones with the ‘wings’.
I take the main strip off the back? The wing flaps immediately stick themselves to it. I try to take the wing strips off first? I can’t wrap them around my panties because then I have no way of taking off the main strip. Who made these things? A man. That’s who. Bah! I shake my fist at them all.
So I guess it should have come as no surprise (but it did – I am somehow always surprised by this) when I woke up with that scene from The Godfather in my bed. All that was missing was a freaking horse head. Blood everywhere. Dis-gust-ing. It was like my body saved up an extra month’s worth just to really go wild with the ewww factor this morning. Will you be sleeping in this morning Anne? Oh no. You will be doing laundry. And taking a shower. And cramping. Enjoy!
On the plus side, I am suddenly back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. I guess there was a silver lining to getting my period. It was just in my baby bag.
6 Responses to “Reluctant Cowgirl”
“Riding the cotton pony!” Bwa ha ha! I’d never heard that one before. What a bummer though. I was pretty pissed when my period came back too. Who has time or energy to deal with that stuff when you’ve got a new baby on your hands.
Oh, and my advice to you on the wings? Cut em off. Less hassle that way.
Yay on getting to your pre pregnancy weight. That’s something atleast.
You are a braver woman than I, Anne Nahm. I woke up from a nap this morning (I *try* to sleep when the baby sleeps) and stood up. In a gush to rival Niagara Falls, blood had soaked through my Super-Plus Tampon, ruined my underwear and was slowly trickling down my leg. Spot. Spot. Spot. All the way to the bathroom. I never had heavy periods before I had a baby. Is it thanks to my plus-sized uterus or the IUD? I don’t know. But I wasn’t brave enough to blog about it. Thanks for giving me a venue to share my sad story.
WAH hahahaha! I DESPISE pads for the same &%$! reasons… plus a few more. What I really hate is having to use them in concert WITH the OB’s. BAH!
I am now adding “cotton pony” to my vocabulary, thankyouverymuch.
Nothing made me feel as unsexy as the super-maxi-pads I had to wear during my post-partum recovery. Remember the shower scene in the movie “Carrie,” when Sissy Spacek is in a fetal position while all the girls throw tampons at her and shout, “Plug it up! Plug it up!” That’s what I thought of, all the diggity-dang time.
Yep, same as the previous poster here. Cotton Pony added to my personal dictionary.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who practically waxes my crotch with folded-over pad stickyness. What I really hate is when a pad or liner folds itself into a wedge right where my ass cheeks begin and I have to walk around trying to sneakily pick that thing out of my butt until I can get to a private place to ditch it. God, embarassing.
I’m old enough to remember pads with belts. For my first period, all we had was a sample of the *brand new* Always self-stick pads that had come in the mail. By my second period, we’d sent away for a starter kit from Modess. I tried all the different stuff. It even had non-applicator tampons (this was pre-OB) called Pursettes. I quickly settled on regular tampons.
Later, after the toxic shock scare, and hearing that maybe having highly absorbant materials inside you wasn’t so good, anyway, I tried alternating with pads. Ick. The wings? Only if you’re into S&M get a kick out of having your short hairs yanked out. I found old fashioned pads & belt. The belt really keeps the pad tight up against you the way your panties just don’t. But now I can’t find them anymore. My flow’s much lighter now, and will be fading away completely within a few years.
Funny, but I think I’ll miss it a bit. It’s always been a reminder for me how we’re all a part of the cycles of nature, like the change of seasons.